Why grocery stores-especially the organic ones-get us off
We can't all afford the Rabbit vibrator or the Fleshlight, especially now with these fascism-fueled education cuts-as if Charest didn't already have the unsexy effect of making our love canals run dryer than the Sahara. And even if we had the green-talking cash here, not reefer-some can be fundamentally opposed to the capitalistic nature of such gratification devices.
McGill is known to pride itself on being diverse, and the party line is to spread our wings and discover something new about ourselves. Sure, this all sounds good in theory, but the reality is quite different. When explorers like me try to navigate unfamiliar waters, we are met with scorn and hostility from the inhabitants, and are often marooned on an island that makes Lord of the Flies seem like Spring Break.
McGill cheerleading more than just sideline crotch shots
They tear themselves apart when they take the FieldTurf at Molson Stadium every Saturday in the fall, and they spend the rest of the week putting themselves back together so they can do it all over again the next weekend. And make no mistake about it, McGill-they do this just to please you, to entertain you and inject you with energy.
Those great philosophers so revered by both the McGillian pseudo-intellectual bourgeoisie and campus radicals alike hardly concerned themselves about food. A sad fact, I know, but it's fucking true. Wittgenstein, as a biographer points out, "did not care what he ate so long as it was always the same.
Desperate House-Husbands to rival top-rated sister sitcom
With marital (in)fidelity discussions raging stronger than ever these days, it seems only appropriate that men's libbers would throw some weight around at the networks. Figures, only Big Business, hungry for these men's consumer dollars, would lend an ear to the pathetic whinings that hope to undermine the women's movement.
Three riveting real-life stories sure to rock your world
Feeding the Hand that Bites You What's the deal with good people doing bad things? Why did Hugh Grant picked up all those hookers, why did Charlie Manson killed all those people, why SSMU VP Cutie Mark Sward does nothing but steal office supplies and whip our editors? The answer is, of course, publicity.
Mother Earth has got two feet I lick to lick dirt, lick it up hardcore It tastes like death, it tastes like you There is lots of chaos everywhere Painting the colours of this universal canvas Crimson snow and acid rain People picket, and buy capital
The Weekly puts all things Michael-related to rest
He'll be forever blowing bubbles... in jail With all the recent mass media attention-don't worry, here at the Weekly, we are still covering all things underground, as in below ground, as in what others are not covering... uhh, yeah-following the latest installment of Michael Jackson's never-ending court troubles, a few new aspects of the case have come to light.
Come fall, TV McGill will eschew reruns of The Simpsons for entertainment meant to hit home
McGill Idol, eh? If you thought SSMU's reality offering this semester was bold, just wait until you hear what they've got in store for you when we return to the halls of Shatner in the fall... Date My Prof There's nothing hotter than statutory. And what better way to ring in the new fall season than with McGill TV's hot new reality show, Date My Prof.
Drape This, Bitch! It's official: homemaker mogul turned ex-con Martha Stewart has gone hip hop. She may not have been shot nine times, but Stewart's recent jail sentence has increased her street-cred to 50 Cent proportions. Sensing an opportunity to cash in on the coveted housewife demographic, P.
Left-handed people have made their stand on world history in ways which we can only begin to imagine. Left-handed people have been architects, Visigoths, editors, firemen, porn stars, deranged prophets, Masons, garbage collectors, Prime Ministers, doctors, accountants, vagrants, swindlers, and celebrities.
Raine's life has been different from most. Her journey has allowed her to see the world with a perspective that most McGill students cannot imagine. It has brought struggle, but also a multitude of riches that she is happy to describe to all visitors. This is her story of being left-handed.
One of Charest's four-legged office oppressors tells all
As told to us by Lord Baldrick, one of 103 rats released in Premier Jean Charest's office in Sherbrooke, Quebec, on Wednesday, February 2 2005. Lord Baldrick is a glorified gutter rat who splits his time between the fine cesspools of Old Port and the back alley behind Toque, dubbed Montreal's best establishment for first-rate gastronomic cuisine.
(Or why student politicians think the SSMU Sentinel has more potential in its little finger than this overcompensated rag)
20. It recently lost a very, very, very important publication award to a previously defunct leaflet. (Hell, at least it was nominated.) 19. The only angle its Angles columnists take is how to piss off their editors with acrimonious language. 18. When not playing The Simpsons, TV McGill's news crawler is its main source of information.
Reports of efficiency, kindness
The Earthlings have noticed us! This article was reprinted with special permission from Earth McGill's despicable rag The McGill Tribune. McGill students from a parallel universe landed on Lower Field yesterday, proclaiming their goodwill and their eagerness to learn about our university and way of life.
Italy has the highest percentage of adult males who live in their parents' home, according to a study of industrialized countries released last week. Stop Mothering Men (SMM), an international women's group, commissioned the report, which found that 90 per cent of Italian men remain at home until they marry.
Parallel McGill's one and only Weekly reports on Earth McGill's student union's plans to take helm of embattled newspaper
In a referendum next week, students will almost certainly vote to rescind a Tribune fee they describe as "oppressive" and "hard to find exact change for." After weeks of deliberation and a court battle that left all parties involved with some nasty head wounds, the Students' Society Judicial Board is expected to release the results of the rerendum by the end of next week.
Fernnije Nosinbor brings PR to a new level
Associate Vice-Principal (Propaganda) Fernnije Nosinbor recently undertook unilateral initiatives to make McGill University more "PR-friendly." Nosinbor justified the need for the massive structural changes by citing low campus spirit and a high percentage of ugly students.
SSMU hopes student centre name change will get blood pumping again
Critics have been quick to point out the continual dragging of SSMU's feet over the last several years in proceeding with proposed Shatner renovations. But in a surprise move, incoming Students' Society Dictator Mada Retnoc announced that not only will the building's facelift finally take place, but that SSMU plans to overhaul the centre's entire identity as well.
McGill's administration has decided to make explicit its malevolent intentions toward students by creating a new position to be tentatively called "vice-principal (evil)." The position will be formed by amalgamating the portfolios of vice-principal (paperwork and cash) and associate vice-principal (propaganda), said Principal and Corporate Puppet Heather Blum-Munroe at the March 23 meeting of Senate.
Arts Undergraduate Society sued for libel The 2004-2005 executive of the Arts Undergraduate Society has been taken to court by a number of AUS executives from previous years, who claim this year's executive's competence as a group is damaging their reputation.
Administrators to join students as they take to the streets
McGill's administrators have declared their intention to join protests against various issues that have been plaguing the student body for the past few years. "I am delighted to announce that students will no longer be fighting against the use of Turnitin.
Waning Weekly You filthy depraved despots are getting what you deserve-nothing! I have been fighting this fee for years and I can now say that victory is mine. Finally a paper goes down. Burn in hell, Weeklyites. Mwahahaha... Rod DeCastro, Former SSMUshi, President, Founder and sole member of the Burn in Hell, Weekly Alliance A proverb: Paper makes hats When I was a student at McGill, the Weekly was, as my kids say, the "bomb diggity.
McGill's favourite suit-wearing, profit-hungry rat (race) pack, the Faculty of Management, is presently in the process of redesigning its undergraduate studies curriculum. Spearheaded two years ago by the Management Undergraduate Society, it looks like the redesign will finally be completed by the end of this academic year.
The Weekly in support of SSMU's battery and psychological warfare
Since becoming SSMU's bitch in 1981, the McGill Tribune has been McGill university's only English-language submissive, utterly subjugated, and regularly abused student newspaper. As a financially and emotionally dependent paper funded in no way by its authoritative oppressors at SSMU, the Tribune has consistently been unable to cover student politics and administrative issues all the while being beholden to its evil assaulters in the Brown Building.
Welcome, earthlings! Constantina Q. Drivel and Garrott Philander, the Weekly's villainous tattle-taling, tittle-tattling twosome is proud to usher in its first ever 100 per cent, all Earth-McGill edition of gossipy goodness with extra pulp for extra teeth-rotting flavah.
Esmerelda calls me at four in the morning Sunday. Of course I answer. I never refuse Esmerelda. It's a miracle we've never fucked. I pick up the phone and manage to say hi. Esmerelda's has a lot of energy for four in the morning. But she's so quirky, it doesn't surprise me.
Today on Behind the Creative Process, I, your host Harold Penwick, will take a look at the making of notorious Weekly/ columnist Emerjy's writings. Using my unique "Harass the Writer" (HAW) technique, I bring the reader closer than they have ever been to the magic-for your safety I advise that goggles, leather aprons (some writers are forthcoming in their bodily fluids) and earplugs be worn at all times.