McGill Tribune

A & E

It's been 49 years since The Beatles formed in Liverpool, 47 since The Rolling Stones played their first show, and 42 since The Who recorded My Generation. Finally, in 2009 a band has emerged that not only parallels the talent of these legendary artists, but in my opinion, greatly exceeds it. I am talking, of course, about the Jonas Brothers.

The Jonas Brothers are made up of Joe (who doesn't look anything like an effeminate John Stamos), Kevin, and Nick Jonas. These three gifted young musicians embody just what the music world needs these days: a fresh, morally conscious approach to the tiresome and outdated rock 'n' roll genre. They've sworn to abstain from sex until marriage-which is why they all wear ballin' silver purity rings on their right ring fingers-and to keep their distance from horrible, mind-corrupting substances like drugs and alcohol.

Unlike other contemporary "musicians," the Jonas Brothers write songs by young people, for young people. This means they ignore boring, complex real-life subjects and write only about what it feels like to be a teenager. Another area of the Jonas Brothers' expertise is putting imaginary girls in their place by using the second person. Just look at these sizzlin' lyrics from "Burnin' Up"-"I'm hot, you're cold. You go around like you know who I am, but you don't." Oh snap! Somebody get some aloe vera for that burn!

Can't get enough Jonas Brothers? I know I can't. Then why not check out their blockbuster hit Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience? Finally, all of the glory of a Jonas Brothers concert in three whole dimensions! Yowza! Unfortunately, bands like the Satan-worshipping group KISS (AKA Knights In Satan's Service) have been trying to fool the world into thinking they came up with the same idea 11 years ago. Shame on you, KISS.

The Jonas Brothers love to spread their music to the world in any way they can. This means they've been popping up on TV shows like Dancing with the Stars and American Idol. While some may call this a shameless and inexplicable promotional gimmick, I call it an evening of fun for the whole family. And if that's not enough-as if you could ever get sick of them-the band is starring in its own Disney comedy series this fall, entitled J.O.N.A.S! Make sure to clear your schedule, or at least have your TiVo ready, because this promises to be the breakout hit of the year. Watch out Tony Soprano, the Jonas Brothers are right behind you!

Last but not least, the Jonas Brothers are exceptional innovators. Who else would think to sell not just CDs, but autographed CD covers alone for $20? Genius. And if an album cover isn't enough for you, why not go with the signed poster for a modest $50? I personally cannot think of a better way to start my day than to look at my giant poster of the Jonas Brothers dressed up like adults while "Don't Take My Heart and Put It On a Shelf" plays softly in the background. The Beatles once claimed to be bigger than Jesus, and in 2009, the Jonas Brothers have finally shown the world that they are bigger than The Beatles. Diet Coke and Baby Bottle Pops all around!

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